Mom Guilt is Real for the Non-Traditional Student
Making the decision to go back to school wasn't done on an impulse. I'm a mom and that comes first. My husband and I sat and talked, crunched the numbers, checked and double checked the schedules and decided it would be a team effort but we could make it work. Not only do I have the USUAL mom duties but I have the opportunity to be the mother to a nuerotypical child AND a child with sever autism. It's a full time job all on it's own!
I have been a stay at home mom since the birth of our second child and I am very close with my boys. They are used to me being there for everything and I have been so thankful for that opportunity. I knew mommy being gone three nights a week for class was going to be an adjustment for my youngest. As many children with autism, he is very particular with routine. What I wasn't ready for was the wrath of my oldest.
Jude is 8 years old and has always been a very emotional little old soul. He is so patient with his little brother.This little man shows more kindness and grace than even this mama can muster up on some days. He is also a mama's boy. My very first night of class I hugged and kissed him goodbye and explained that daddy would put him to sleep but I would see him in the morning. That next day he woke up about in tears telling me how much he missed me and didn't want me to go back. I once again explained why I was going to school and how important it was to me and how it would benefit our family when I was done. He was clearly unimpressed but decided to let it go.
We trucked along those first few weeks. I was tired and my husband had a new found appreciation for me as a wife and mother ;-) playing Mr. Mom three nights a week gave him a new perspective. Jude would ask, "Do you have school today?" and I would smile and nod yes. With a heavy sigh he would hang his head and say ok but it was clear he was disappointed. As much as it hurt me that he wasn't seeming to catch on, I noticed he was appreciating the special time with his dad and in the end he would appreciate the freedom in my new schedule as a working massage therapist. Plus my schooling only takes a year, we could do anything for a year....right?
My positive internal dialogue took a drastic turn the night I had to explain to him I would be missing his literacy night. I have never missed ANYTHING my boys were involved in. I explained that I couldn't miss school but his daddy would go with him and take video for me so I wasn't really missing it. It wasn't the same to him, in all honesty it wasn't to me either but sacrifices have to be made to achieve your goals
Although there are times I feel like I'm missing out, or my heart breaks when I see the look of disappointment in his eyes as I head out the door; I'm focusing on this being a learning opportunity for my children. They will someday understand that mommy had a dream. It wasn't easy, she worked really REALLY hard. She sacrificed but mostly she didn't just get by, she gave it everything she had so she could excel at something she was passionate about.
Being a mom is the best and hardest job I have every had. It is so worth it, but you loose a piece of yourself to this little people that need you. So at times it feels incredibly selfish to take this time from them to do something for me. Pursuing something I want so badly. I try and remember that someday they will understand and be proud of their mommy for reaching her goals.
I have been a stay at home mom since the birth of our second child and I am very close with my boys. They are used to me being there for everything and I have been so thankful for that opportunity. I knew mommy being gone three nights a week for class was going to be an adjustment for my youngest. As many children with autism, he is very particular with routine. What I wasn't ready for was the wrath of my oldest.
Jude is 8 years old and has always been a very emotional little old soul. He is so patient with his little brother.This little man shows more kindness and grace than even this mama can muster up on some days. He is also a mama's boy. My very first night of class I hugged and kissed him goodbye and explained that daddy would put him to sleep but I would see him in the morning. That next day he woke up about in tears telling me how much he missed me and didn't want me to go back. I once again explained why I was going to school and how important it was to me and how it would benefit our family when I was done. He was clearly unimpressed but decided to let it go.
We trucked along those first few weeks. I was tired and my husband had a new found appreciation for me as a wife and mother ;-) playing Mr. Mom three nights a week gave him a new perspective. Jude would ask, "Do you have school today?" and I would smile and nod yes. With a heavy sigh he would hang his head and say ok but it was clear he was disappointed. As much as it hurt me that he wasn't seeming to catch on, I noticed he was appreciating the special time with his dad and in the end he would appreciate the freedom in my new schedule as a working massage therapist. Plus my schooling only takes a year, we could do anything for a year....right?
My positive internal dialogue took a drastic turn the night I had to explain to him I would be missing his literacy night. I have never missed ANYTHING my boys were involved in. I explained that I couldn't miss school but his daddy would go with him and take video for me so I wasn't really missing it. It wasn't the same to him, in all honesty it wasn't to me either but sacrifices have to be made to achieve your goals
Although there are times I feel like I'm missing out, or my heart breaks when I see the look of disappointment in his eyes as I head out the door; I'm focusing on this being a learning opportunity for my children. They will someday understand that mommy had a dream. It wasn't easy, she worked really REALLY hard. She sacrificed but mostly she didn't just get by, she gave it everything she had so she could excel at something she was passionate about.
Being a mom is the best and hardest job I have every had. It is so worth it, but you loose a piece of yourself to this little people that need you. So at times it feels incredibly selfish to take this time from them to do something for me. Pursuing something I want so badly. I try and remember that someday they will understand and be proud of their mommy for reaching her goals.
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